5 secrets for stress-free goal-setting
Hello lovely,
Today I’m sharing with you my methods for setting goals, and how I achieve them with little to no stress.
I absolutely love setting goals, I look forward to my goal-setting sessions and I love ticking off items from my list when I’ve achieved them. I set goals for my career, my relationships, my health, how I want to feel, what I’d like to learn, and for what I'd like to feature on the journey that is my life. For me, goal-setting has become a part of my creative process and happiness practice.
I wasn’t always like this. I used to set big optimistic goals and let them slip out of my view, and then feel frustrated and disappointed when another day/week/year went by without me achieving them. I’d look at my journals and notebooks and see the same goals popping up over the months or years and my heart would sink when I realised I wasn’t taking any action. I would be really hard on myself about it, which would only plunge me into a big rut and would result in me avoiding setting goals for a while, let alone reaching for them.
I played a lot of sports as a kid, and I know you won’t score any points if you don’t try to chuck the ball in the basket. Also my previous career in advertising sales taught me that having a strategy makes it so much easier to hit your targets. I find a plan relaxing.
I know I’m at my best when I’m creative, optimistic, and motivated, so after I noticed this avoidance pattern, I went into ‘student mode’ and started researching goal achievement. I learned from business ‘gurus’ who made big claims about their methods (and charged me accordingly), I indulged in some fun woo-woo involving horoscopes and crystals, and was inspired by elite athletes who consider a two-mile run part of their warm-up. There are as many articles about the Law of Attraction for goal realisation as there are about the psychology of success (probably more actually).
I tried many of these methods over the years, and I’ve finally worked out some habits and processes that really help me set and smash my goals. Maybe some of these tips will help you, too. Here’s what I learned:
1. Be kind to yourself
After trying out some different approaches, it became clear to me that first I needed to be kinder to myself. Negative thoughts, commiserating, and feeling like a failure are the opposite of motivation, so I started celebrating micro-wins and took stock of all the amazing things I’ve achieved so far in my life. It was a huge confidence boost! Setting smaller, easily achievable goals alongside your big scary goals is a healthy way to keep up your morale and stay on track.
Don’t forget to up your self-care! If you feel like you’ve looked after yourself properly, you’re way more likely to have the energy to focus.
2. Check your mindset
After taking a closer look at my old patterns of procrastination and avoidance, I had to face some hard truths. For instance, I realised I was sabotaging myself for various reasons (such as old trauma, hangups from childhood stuff), and in some cases I didn’t really believe I deserved to achieve the goals I had set. I did a lot of work around my mindset and beliefs and began to shift my perspective. I wrote down every little negative, limiting thought that popped up and addressed it - and most of them were absolute bullshit. I moved on, and now I know for sure that I deserve alllll of the wins.
If you find you resist starting work on a specific goal, ask yourself why - what’s holding you back? Is it fear of success, do you need more information, or do you even want to achieve this goal? Sometimes we set ‘other people’s goals’ for ourselves or ones that we believe we ‘should’ achieve according to social media (at this time of year it’s always ‘lose weight’, or ‘detox’). Do yourself a favour and cross those items off your list, then re-consult your heart, and go after what you really want to achieve.
3. Write out your goals every morning
This is part of my morning ritual, and I love starting my day with hope, optimism, and dreaming. I include goals I want to achieve that day, as well as my long-term goals and my ‘big scary goals’. Writing goals down and re-focusing on them every day keeps you on the right track. For instance, if I want to banish stress and add that goal to my list every day, I’m more likely to stick to my exercise and meditation regime. Likewise, if I want ten new clients this month I’m not going to bog down my days with admin or ‘busy work’, I’ll spend my time focusing on bringing in newbies. This practice keeps your eyes on the prize!
I’m a big fan of writing my goals in my own handwriting, which seems to have a bigger effect than when I type them in a soon-to-be dusty Google doc. My favourite way to make lists is with my Apple pencil into Notes on my iPad, because I strive to be paperless and I love being able to access my lists from all my devices. A notebook and pen is the next best thing!
4. Plan backwards
Take a look at each of your goals, choose one that you are super passionate about, and write down the journey you’ll need to take to achieve it. Brainstorm all the possible steps that will need to happen to get you there, and set a ‘realistic’ timeline to achieve it. NB: My ‘realistic’ timelines are sometimes too short for my big crazy goals (I haven’t had my televised sit-down with Oprah to talk about my book yet after setting that goal last summer) or too long for my smaller goals (‘devote a month to plan out my social media calendar’ - duh! I could do this in a couple of days if I just focused). The more devoted you are to the goal, the shorter your timeline will be.
Once you chunk down a goal into smaller steps, you can more easily work towards it without feeling overwhelmed. Also, what no one talks about is that with every little step you achieve, you gain more confidence towards that goal, as well as all the other goals you’ll ever set. Proving to yourself that you can focus and chip away at a goal gives you that magic ingredient, self-efficacy.
5. Accountability
This one is probably the toughest for me, but damn it, it really works. The fact is: telling people about your goals makes you more likely to achieve them! I resist this one for various nonsensical reasons, such as:
a) I go into diva-mode, I feel like I’m too private a person to share such intimate information, and
b) I don’t want anyone holding me accountable for anything because I’m a rebel - what?!
Seriously, sharing your goals with others will hold you accountable because our brains are hard-wired to do what we say. It triggers our primal fear of being ‘cast out’ of society, so it’s quite the motivator. If you want to supercharge your ability to smash a goal, shout it from the rooftops!
Even better, team up with an accountability partner and cheer each other on to help you both stay on track. Check in with each other once a week (or once a day!) to keep on top of the action steps you need to take to achieve your goals.
Are you ready to achieve some dreams and stay relaxed in the process? I hope these tips will help you be gentler to yourself and feel inspired to set some juicy goals you can look forward to achieving - and don’t forget to celebrate big when you win!
Don’t forget, you can always use our private Vortex of Positivity Facebook group as a safe space to share your goals. Our community will always root for you!
With love and lists,
Jess xx
